Tribute to My Sister, Kimber - and 2021 Word

Jan 26

This is the most difficult newsletter I’ve ever had to send. I know many of you are already aware, yet with the shocking nature of the news, I have not been able to notify my wider community of colleagues, clients, and friends. I also wanted to describe a bit of the larger story and honor my beloved sister.

-----------------------------------------

On January 1st I took a selfie on my parent’s back porch with snowflakes in my hair and coffee in hand.

I captioned it, “This snow feels like a fresh start and I’m. Here. For. It”.

It did feel like a fresh start.

It was a fresh start.

It was the first day in a long time I woke up with a smile on my face; ready to embrace the gifts the day had to offer. I had a clear mind and heart about how I wanted to show up as my best.

Additionally, it was an exciting day because it marked the first full day with my youngest sister, Kimber (pictured with me above). My parents, for the first time ever, decided to take some respite and time together in Florida for the month.

With my flexible work schedule, we had it all planned out for bus times, helpers, water therapy, and other siblings hanging out with sis. Kimber needs help with every part of her day...eating, showering, transferring, etc. While all of those things do take effort and energy to support her, the benefits and gifts of journeying closely alongside her and receiving her love always outweighed the effort. I knew that being with her so intimately would invite me to grow and teach me a lot about parenting and caretaking.

The first day of the year was one for the books for me and Kimber…sleeping in, blasting the music throughout the house. Breakfast in bed even! We danced around the kitchen and she would squeal with laughter when I’d spin her in her wheelchair as fast I as I could. We bundled up in the new sturdy stroller and went for a snowy walk with the dogs and took in the winter beauty. We cuddled. I sang to her our bedtime lullaby. She sweetly told me “bye” as I closed her bedroom door goodnight.

I did not take one moment for granted.

Mid-afternoon on Saturday, January 9th we went to the ER as Kimber was clearly distressed with abdominal pain. With Kimber’s limited verbal communication my sister Abbie and I wanted to be sure she was thoroughly checked out and monitored. Our worst guess was potentially appendicitis.

Nothing that afternoon indicated the horrible reality that we would not bring her back home.

In the early night hours of January 10th everything changed.

Our sweet baby girl, 16 years 6 months and 20 days old, left the pain of this world for the joy of the next.

I hope with every part of me that she felt the intensity of love from our family to the very last moment. I pray that it was simply a hand of love from me and Abbie there at her hospital bed to our Father in heaven and that He was so eager to scoop up His baby in His All-Powerful and All-Loving arms.

My parents got on the earliest flight they could. All of my siblings and several of my aunts and uncles where there with Kimber and us in the hospital room until mom and dad arrived. It was a sacred and loving space despite the incredible pain and devastation each of us endured.

I have a large family and they are not at all surprised when I openly say that Kimber is my favorite person. For many of my adult years, but especially 2016 onward (when I moved back to KC after almost 9 years in MN) I would soak up every minute I could with her.

You see, it’s not a stretch to say that I’m in AWE of Kimber..

The definition of awe is: “a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder.”

I have a deep, deep respect for the courage Kimber showed every day to engage with the world around her. I would observe her in wonder as she’d try new things, persevere, flourish, and show us all how much more she was capable of than what the surface impression showed.

It is now January 26.

As you might imagine, it doesn’t feel so much like the fresh start at the beginning of the month.

And yet, I have so much gratitude remembering January 1st and for every day and every moment with her that I cherished, maximized, and shared love.

I had yet to write you all about my Word of The Year for 2021. Last year, my word was expansion.

Over the New Year I was journaling and decided my word for this year would be:

-- E R O S --

This word is often thought to only be in connection with the erotic. But world-renown couples therapist Esther Perel has widely shared her thoughts about expanding this narrow definition.

She defines Eros as

“to come alive”.

This has deeply resonated with me. 2020 was a year of hardship for many. It was on my heart to embrace more ways to cultivate aliveness, renewal, vitality, vibrancy, imagination, playfulness, and connection.

With Kimber’s death this word and sentiment - unsurprisingly - lands in a different way.

It’s clear I needed this word, this intention, and this vision of aliveness for my year now more than ever.

My prayer is that Kimber will continue to teach me how to "come alive" this year. She’s already given me the greatest lessons.

Kimber invited me and all of us to slow down and simply BE with her...

... Every day she mustered the strength to start again.

...She showed us deep humility in accepting care and assistance.

...She showed us deep patience in waiting to be understood.

...She woke up ready to fully and completely maximize the day for the happiness it had to offer.

...She taught us the gift it is to unapologetically show up as your whole self.

...She taught us how silly it is to worry a single ounce about what people think of you.

....She showed us what it means to fiercely love the people, music, and beauty around you.

And she modeled the greatest gift of all - to allow yourself to be loved.

There is a gaping hole in my life and heart. I am clinging to the comfort and promise that Our Almighty God will continue to fill it with His love, mercy, and peace.

Your prayers for Kimber, me, and my family are welcomed and very much appreciated.

---------------------------------------------------

On a practical note, I have taken the last 2 weeks off from work. I am just now easing in and back “in office” half days. This experience will no doubt impact my depth and capacity as a Coach. I know there are many, many people out there who are familiar with deep grief.

I am looking forward to continue partnering with amazing people who are seeking clarity in their personal seasons of transition. Please do not be shy to reach out. Thank you in advance for your patience and grace with my response time and availability.

Below are links to more information about Kimber and the funeral details. Since it happened so quickly, I did not get the information out to everyone who may have been interested in participating and honoring her life through the Visitation and Funeral. I’m very sorry.

Thankfully, we have the ceremonies recorded and invite you to view and celebrate her life with us.

Visitation service: